sensitive and strong

dear reader,

i am slowly looking at myself more clearly. when it comes to figuring out what i want out of life. what kind of space i want to be in and take up. i can’t stop looking at pictures of myself as a child. when i look at her i feel what she was feeling in that moment, i think she still lives within me and i want to care for her. i believe we all have this young version of ourselves in our soul. i hope that you try to care for yours too but it’s never too late to start.

young people or children are seen as naive and sensitive beings. and they are. they are new to the world and to experiences. but when a baby reacts to something by crying they aren’t being weak, they are simply responding to something and trying to communicate. we enter knowing that we need to communicate with those around us and somehow we forget the importance of it along the way.

growing up i was described as a sensitive individual. i never took it as a compliment. i thought it meant that i was weak. i went on to spend most of my young life viewing my sensitivity as something to dislike and to be fixed. i thought and sometimes still struggle with the idea that it is a flaw. but it isn’t a flaw, it is actually something that makes me strong. responding to my environment, voicing my needs, understanding others’ needs, these are all things that i feel are strengthened by sensitivity.

there was a point in my life in attempting to stray away from sensitivity where i became indifferent. i have never felt so unlike myself.

 allowing myself to feel fully isn’t easy though, it can be overwhelming. my best companion in those times, besides my incredible friends, is art. when i put my emotions into creating i feel that a part of what was weighing me down has been lifted. which is why it is so personal to me. and i am grateful everyday for the love and support shown toward it.

thank you

Pain, Tattoos, and Sensitivity

i was tattooed twice by a friend of mine recently who i felt comfortable around and both times it reached a point where i started to cry. the first time that it happened i felt embarrassed because i thought it was because i couldn’t handle the pain. but we stopped for a moment and i began to talk to her about what was going on in my life and what i was struggling with. then with my permission she continued and i let myself cry and feel and the tattoo suddenly didn’t hurt as much. i allowed myself to feel and be vulnerable. it is a tattoo experience i will never forget. the second time we had a session and i began to cry i knew already that it was from what i was dealing with. and my friend let me feel what i needed to. the pain we carry within ourselves will seep into everything if we don’t give ourselves the space to feel it.

  the tattoos she gave me are absolutely wonderful. her work is always astonishing.

i had a moment though in that first session where i found myself not wanting to seem too emotional or sensitive when that is a perfectly natural thing. and when i allowed myself to be and to feel i felt the pain and the tense feeling slip away. i’m not saying that tattoos will hurt less if you cry, but sometimes tattoos put me in a place to do so. this isn’t to say you should get poked anytime you need to feel something. but you should feel comfortable with who you are entrusting your skin to. i know there is a lot about the tattoo industry that is tough and male centric. but just know i want to be an artist who always has a space for sensitivity. tattoos can be a very vulnerable thing. thank you to those who have trusted me.

i am overwhelmed at the joy and love and warmth i feel writing these posts. i plan to continue them every sunday, so i hope that you stick around.

thank you,
carly <3

song of the week What Could I Say? -Margaux