identity
dear reader,
the sun has been brutally beating down on me this week. my love hate relationship with the summer is in full swing. i love the (mostly) clear skies, the beach, the slowness, vacation. but there’s also the spacey, out of focus feeling i get amidst the heat and the extra time to think. i try to fill that time with as much self work and stillness that i can. and enjoy it.
seasons are interesting. we find ourselves longing to be in ones that aren’t happening and looking at every negative aspect about the one we are currently in. i often find myself longing for something that was or could be within myself. it’s an addicting feeling. but to not be present is a disservice to ourselves. even though it is a difficult thing to maintain. when i am present, i feel at peace and aware of myself and others. i am reminded that there are bigger things than me, that my head is not the world.
when i look at old photos of myself, even ones from a year ago, it baffles me how often i change my appearance. this quality was pointed out to me recently by a friend of mine. this person compared my changing to the changing of the seasons and she said, “i can’t wait to see what the next season of carly brings.” as someone who has dealt with identity issues most of my life, this was a really nice thing to hear. i don’t need to grasp onto one thing, i am allowed to change and alter.
clothes
they’re just stitched up pieces of fabric but they stay with me throughout the day
little tokens of my life can be found in the loose threads and broken buttons on this shirt
my friends hand-me-downs mean more to me than what i have spent money on
i wish you could have seen my outfit today. i wore it with you in mind
i wore this shirt when i met you for the first time
of course i remember what i was wearing
i want my shirt back
i’m sometimes still haunted by how you might see me
i started getting tattoos when i started putting how i saw myself over how others did. they have made me feel more acquainted with my own skin. collecting them over time, like charms on a bracelet. i have about 30 charms now, and i have never felt more like myself :)
thank you,
carly
