there is love all around us pt.2
dear reader,
i am back in north florida, farther from my original home, but i am finding that i feel at home here too. i have always believed that the sense of home is created by people rather than places. and i have definitely found my people that feel like home here.
most of the people around me here are approaching the final run of things in school and possibly in tallahassee. i am growing to love living here and i am slightly scared that once i feel my roots settling, those who make this place brighter are on their way out. i want them to shine and go somewhere that suits them most. i want the people that i love to achieve and reach for things they’ve always dreamed of. i am so lucky to know such wonderful, kind, talented people. and even if their time here has a due date, i still feel so much love for them.
my dear friend gave me this tattoo this week. the tattoo sessions we have together are always so special to me, as is the work she leaves me with. this message is something that i truly believe. it’s actually the title and sentiment of my very first blog post. believing this to my core has pushed me through my darkest days, where i feel there was no love within me to give myself. stuck in the dark corners of my head. believing that takes me outside of my head and reminds me that even if i don’t feel it or want to, it still exists, within me and everywhere. love is bigger than me.
i found a raccoon skeleton in perfect condition the other day. it is so beautiful what life can leave behind. sorry if this makes you squeemish :3
i think i am spending too much time filling my brain with meaningless media consumption. i know this is something we all struggle with but i am starting to notice its affects on my own life. hopefully in the future i find myself writing, reading, and drawing more often then mindlessly browsing my phone. i’m scared human connection won’t be sought after as much. it is such an important thing for our heart and mind. self isolation became so easy when i picked up a phone for the first time. it feels like a trap.
i’m learning that in order to take care of myself i need to force myself out of my head. my phone keeps me in my head so intensely. there are moments where it feels like my screen is the whole world. it’s a scary feeling, even though it’s not true.
if i hadn’t pulled myself out of my head
i would have never found you
i’d be lost in the shadows of my own self
and not seeing the light i could have
and the love i could hold
it’s so cool to learn our own capacity for loving ourselves. i may not always be happy with myself but i know that i need to love myself always. even when it’s hard. like i love a partner or a parent or a friend even when it’s hard to. i am not just myself, i am not just my brain or my thoughts. i am my friends and my family and my partner and my interests and hobbies and fears and loves. we extend beyond our own bodies. when we create teams and communities. when we make art and life. it is so incredible. we need ourselves and we need each other and we need love.
i truly want to make more time to write, because i feel like i only scratch the surface of all that i want to say. i love you all.
thank you for reading,
carly
