timeless

dear reader,

my blog posts have been pretty sporadic recently. i could just chalk it up to being too busy to write but maybe i’m just not giving myself the time to do it. it feels so much easier to just say i don’t have time but i can actually face myself when i admit it’s because i’m not making time anymore. time is a funny scape goat we like to use, a common enemy. instead of blaming time though i should say that i have been avoiding writing because a part of me is worried the things i have to say aren’t intelligent or thoughtful enough. writing about being scared of writing is making me be vulnerable with myself. funny.

if you’re going to love me, you’d better love my things.

i fear i am a collector of many things which can be seen delicately displayed in my room, my music library, and on my skin. my room is filled with old dolls and art prints and random pretty things ive found a way to stick to my wall. it’s a lot to look at for the minimalist eye but to me it’s like being hugged by little pieces of myself. i don’t buy objects for any kind of status or material gain i buy them because they struck something within me. that isn’t to say i don’t have a problem with shopping too much, i do. but that’s a conversation for another time. i have been collecting music since i was a child. ‘you are my sunshine’ was first gifted to me by my parents. sung to me to sleep as a baby and i still hold it very close to my heart. and today music is a tool that has helped me process emotions and express love to others. and of course, my tattoos, which are pokes and stabs that reflect what i love, what i like, and what i thought looked ‘cool’ at the time. my own personal skin charm bracelet.

my little magazine collection

i think that my emotions need to be presented by imagery more than text sometimes. better yet when the two are combined i feel i have expressed myself to the best of my ability. lately, the images have been so abstract and unclear, maybe reflecting my emotions toward the future. in this moment it feels like a fog and my brain doesn’t like that very much. but nothing can ever be completely clear and there is a lot of exciting beauty to that. i just need to pull myself out of the abstract shapes in my mind. its sharp edges can grip onto me sometimes and leave me feeling hopeless. we seem to be afraid or offended by abstract works because it makes us want to make something of it. all we can do with it is use what knowledge we already had before placing our eyes upon it. and so, the same thing takes on different forms from different eyes. and when it comes to my own personal abstract images, i need to get comfortable in that discomfort. i don’t have to let the abstract take me to a dark place it could really be beautiful. i guess that can be the power of abstract, we can let it take us in any direction we want.

i am glad to have given myself the time this week to sit down and write. it was definitely something i needed. i hope to continue to give myself time and love. and i hope you do the same for yourself. thank you for reading and taking the time.

with love,

carly